


memory

by codename



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: F/F, Memory Related
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 12:08:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24969460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/codename/pseuds/codename
Summary: The ten moments in Sana's life she can't forget, and the one she never wants to remember.
Relationships: Minatozaki Sana/Myoui Mina
Comments: 4
Kudos: 26





	memory

**Author's Note:**

> this was originally written in 2017 and i've recently been going through my old google docs and finishing some of my wips

10.

It was the light that bothered her the most.

Not that her mother was incessantly patting her head as soon as she woke up, or that the doctor was trying to calm down the hysterical mess right in front of her.

Her body wouldn't allow it, but she was laughing. More at the row of cards placed neatly along her bedside table and her mother's obvious attempt at making it homely, with special acknowledgement to the toys she would've brought from Sana's room.

She supposes she wasn't exactly sleeping, more of the whole 'groggy because you've just awoken from a coma' feel. Because that, she remembers.

Blurry vision, impaired speech, foggy thinking—Sana was guessing. That, or the years her mother (who, granted, was a nurse) told her weird bed-time infirmary stories didn't pay off. 

Frankly, she felt as if she wouldn't handle it well, considering it would be like going from total physical shutdown to being jolted back into reality—which is not your best entrance back from the dream world. 

So, she hoped for the best, wondered what her first words would be after two years in a coma, wondered what she'd see clearly first, what she'd eat, smell and touch, after being out of contact for so long. 

Panicky. Jittery. Kind of alarming, but not really. There were few words said absurdly, a few movements that raised eyebrows, and the room unsettled her immensely with the running monitor next to her and wires poked into her limbs.

Actually, it wasn't the light that bothered her the most.

After all, she asks for Mina—the last person she saw, the first person she asks for.

9.

Devastating.

Not that she was still recovering from her coma with small but satisfying progress, but that she had just learnt now after a year of recovery and of nagging, that Mina had already transferred to another school because her parents were moving, (or that's what her mother insists is the reason).

Either way, school didn't feel the same.

Not that it mattered to anyone else but herself. 

No quiet girl that would listen to all your sandbox gossip about that kid that eats his boogers, or where they would want to sit in circle time, or when sleepovers were to be arranged almost definitely at Mina's place (which Sana's dubs a princess' castle, when it's really just a mansion).

She misses the exchange of lunches, because Mina's food is way nicer and healthier, and in reality, Mina seems to crave Sana's chocolate sandwiches far more, which her expensive pinafores and shirts her parents used to buy her do not—by a long shot—suggest she has those food preferences.

Or that Mina learnt the alphabet faster than Sana did when they were way, way younger, or that they’d have ambitious conversations on what they’d look like in the future, or that Mina outclassed Sana in everything but sports, which she admits, does not take much intellectual ability. (Sana throws dodgeballs around willy-nilly and somehow someone gets outed.)

Sana admits she misses that.

Sana misses her.

8.

Apparently, track running takes _way_ more energy than it used to.

That, or she's slowly losing the will to do sports.

Probably the latter, though her mother seems to think this is the thing that gets you a perfect scholarship when in fact, Sana knows herself her body isn't doing too well. She still gets frequent headaches, steers her off the track and the next thing you know, she's at the nurse's office all over again.

It's like the world was out to get her. 

(It really was.)

(She's absolutely convinced.)

Once in a while, she wonders what Mina's doing. Brings her temporary solace, figuring out if Mina's changed her appearance or if she's fitting into her new school nicely. She still wonders why she left, but she supposes it's really none of her business.

She runs again with a few others, outruns them for the most part, and passing out right after wasn't exactly on the schedule of 'having a good day'. Maybe it's time to stop, maybe she just needs to get better.

Everything makes her feel drowsy.

Mina would've told her to stop. 

7.

Okay, the light is absolutely bothering her.

The doctor has his hands clasped on the desk, his eyes glued mostly on a sheet of paper that Sana can't be bothered to focus on trying to read. Maybe it was her report, or a general report, and not some God-awful diagnosis that said 'yeah, good luck with a week of living'.

(Not the latter, thankfully.)

Sana feels the churning in her stomach, feels her hands involuntarily clutch her midriff. She wants to vomit, or something of the sort. She lets the words slip into one ear, and suddenly, it's stuck inside her head with a never-ending loop that will indefinitely haunt her for the rest of the day.

Something to do with memory loss. Extreme fatigue. Light-headedness. She chooses to hear 'she may experience problems with mobility' before totally blocking out everything else being said. She can see her mother nodding in her peripheral; not to mention the doctor in front of her looks at her mother, not at her, as if he knows exactly what Sana's feeling.

(Of course he does.)

(You're an idiot.)

They leave the room with about twenty pamphlets in hand, all of which Sana throws away once they reach home. She locks herself in the bathroom, contemplates whether or not to demolish the cabinet they installed just to fit all her medicine in. She contemplates for a while, doesn't get a wink of sleep.

Sana goes into school the next morning anyway.

Mina would've told her not to.

6.

It's getting ridiculous. 

Not the whole brain sickness thing, but her new lab partner.

Which really, should be the least of her worries. She's kind of quirky for the most part, but Sana soon realises that it's just her lack of competency despite taking the hardest chemistry class in her school. Granted, she's going to have to go through a whole school year and somehow, she's going to have to carry this girl all the way through exams and whatever test they have going.

Which is, actually, more stressful than her constant migraines. 

Repeated 'I work better on my own' and 'I can figure this out by myself'—repeated excuses that Sana made up just so she wouldn’t fail.

Eventually, after accepting the fact she has to work with her, she learns her name is Momo. 

Enjoys dancing, but that's all really Sana can gather because when Sana asked for her hobbies, she really just listed different dancing styles, and it really didn't help. At least Sana knows why she took the class, in hopes of her father allowing her to take the route to professional dancing, however she might do that. (She had never seen Momo dance, but she seemed the type to.)

Sana asks why she didn't take an easier subject, but Momo says her mother was a chemist, and that she wanted to find a cure for what 'took her away'. (Specifically, and as morbid as it may seem, she would find the cure and plant it in her grave in hopes she would come back to life.)

(At first, Sana found it childish. Found it childish that she was probably going to make a fool of herself in front of everyone in the class because she didn't know anything. Found it childish that she thinks that it's even possible to bring someone back to life. Funny how _she_ finds it childish, right?)

Sana gets to know Momo. Gets to learn more of _why_ —and less of the _what_. Maybe Momo's just optimistic. Sana could get used to being that too.

Mina would've said the same thing.

5.

Sana soon comes to the realisation that—she's terrible at chemistry.

She didn't expect events to take such a drastic turn, but they did and she's struggling at the half-way line. At this rate, Momo's doing better. She can't seem to remember anything, can't seem to remember the basic ideas.

 _Hell_ , she couldn't remember her favourite cereal prior to when her mother went grocery shopping, which sprung into a lengthy debate on what her favourite cereal _actually_ is, to which mother eventually went out to buy pretty much every single one out there. Not that it is such a thing to complain about, but she wishes she remembered. 

Momo even offered to help her write down a list of useful things so she doesn’t forget, though Sana declined that almost instantly. Thinking of it, Sana hasn't told Momo much about herself, which is probably why she's brushing this whole memory thing as Sana overworking herself.

It's better off that Momo doesn't know, she's the type to worry too much.

Like that one time she got a papercut and Momo almost drove her to the hospital.

Almost—as in Momo did drive her to the hospital, but Sana refused to get out of the car when she realised they didn't drive to an actual hospital... it was some sort of veterinary, but she was sure Momo didn't know that. Sana has her moments, but Momo's were more often and out of the blue. (It did look like a hospital, she can't argue on that.)

Momo might be her friend, as painful as it is to say it.

4.

Sana feels her chest tighten when a puff of smoke enters her lungs.

"Are you trying to kill me?" she mutters, a breathy explosion of words as Momo continues to wave it into her direction, Sana trying to combat it with frantic hand movements of her own.

Momo shushes her almost immediately, unveiling what seems to be the experiment – that actually isn't a disaster which the scene almost made it out to be. There's not much to witness, just the leftovers of the substances they were testing and thankfully, the _correct_ leftovers.

"Why would I kill you?" Momo promptly responds, propping her chin up on her hand thoughtfully, "Why would _I_ kill _you_?"

That shuts up Sana for sure, allowing Momo to claim fake victory and (unintentionally) blow a pile of ash in Sana's general direction. There's a series of sharp whispers that Momo tries not to hear but does anyway.

"You know what? I'm starting to think I'd kill you instead." Sana adds, half-jokingly, half-serious, to which Momo takes complete offence. Not that she deliberately took it seriously, just that Momo doesn't process most words and if to guess— _'kill you'_ were the only ones recognised.

Momo huffs, ultimately resorting to cleaning up instead. "You're mean."

"I'm honest, Momo." (Sana isn't.)

"Nuh-uh."

She pursues with an undertone of disbelief. "Am too." 

"Nuh- _uh._ "

"I'm not continuing this."

3.

Momo and Sana, somehow, just _somehow_ , enrol into the same school. As spooky as it is, Sana's just happy that they aren't roommates, but she's not exactly happy with how she barely sees Momo anymore. 

(They take different classes, that's inevitable.

They're two different people, and they have different interests.

It's a deja-vu for Sana, and she can't help but feel this way.

They were inseparable? A package deal? Two in one?)

Sana reminisces for a second, before greeting her new roommate through gritted teeth. It's two awkward 'hellos', followed with a 'nice to meet you' and insufferable silence that Sana decides to leave after she had placed all her bags down, not touching it again to unpack, simply leaving.

She paces down the hallways of her building, aimlessly guiding her hand against the walls. She had forgotten what number Momo's room was, it was probably an odd number? Or… something with a two in it? She had lost that stupid little piece of paper before they had left together, and she's only realised now.

(No way is she taking responsibility for that.)

She makes her way back before she knocks out right on the spot, greeted with a robed Nayeon when she enters.

"God I'm—I'm _sorry,_ I should've knocked."

"You're my roommate, why would you knock?" Nayeon pauses, ruffling her hair with a towel, before stopping after hearing no response. She watches Sana with one hand out, as if to feel her way in blindly, and one hand covering her eyes. "Uh—I’m not naked."

Sana lets Nayeon guide her hand away, revealing Nayeon is in fact, _not_ naked.

"Oh."

There's a brief moment of silence (that Sana feels lasts forever) before she moves out the doorway for Nayeon to take a (hopefully long) bath, so Sana's breakdown for today doesn’t have to be questioned.

It is indeed, not questioned, but Sana is face first into her pillow, sleeping, when Nayeon comes back in. She thinks of Mina, thinks of whether there's still a chance.

Because she fought with her mother one day, who told her to get rid of a picture of them together, saying it’s “for your own good,” but Sana didn’t believe it.

Sana didn’t mean to provoke her, or to learn that Mina didn’t leave because she had to.

2.

Sana is robed when Nayeon rushes in with a coffee in hand.

She apologises when she sees Sana's white towel stained, and Sana grimaces at the sight of Nayeon's red blouse with a brown patch instantly spreading.

"I guess I'll be needing that shower soon too, huh?" Nayeon jokes, but internally Sana is deteriorating at a ridiculous rate. Not that it's obvious from the way she calmly responds with a hum and goes on her way.

Nayeon. Im Nayeon. She's older by a year, not that Sana cares but it matters, she just doesn't know how it does. She's got black hair, and from what Sana observes, _loves_ hanging with Momo. Now that Nayeon has somehow befriended her too, she gets to see both of them, and she can't say she isn't pleased. They’re closer now, that’s how time goes. It gives Sana a chance.

This isn’t as bad as she thinks it is, actually. The days are getting better. She still feels tired, but she figures that’s a given, and she shouldn’t complain now if it’ll only get worse. Sana hasn’t visited the nurse in a while either, and she supposes it’s a gift.

Mina would’ve said she’s a tough cookie, but would still find a way to tell her to suck it up if she even thinks about going to the nurse. Sana knows she didn’t mean it back then, she was just trying to make her laugh.

Sana realises that now—it’s a good memory.

When their schedules match up, they hang out more often. Sana can never say no, and if she even thinks about it Nayeon is always there to tell her otherwise.

“Live a little,” Nayeon would say. 

She’s trying.

1.

Sana tells Nayeon and Momo of her condition one night, when they’re having a late drive to see the eclipse. They blasted their favourite songs and tried to believe Nayeon when she said she could jam _and_ keep them alive with her haphazard driving. Though Sana can say there was more than one instance where she feared for her life, she’s thankful.

Nayeon also apologises randomly while they’re walking to class. Something about her comment on _living a little,_ though all Sana can do is laugh. Even if she told them she was fine, Sana knows they’re treating her differently. Not that they didn’t do that already, but they’re asking her if they’re okay more, and Momo’s plan of hiking for an entire was suddenly never spoken of again.

“I’ve been meaning to tell you guys,” Momo says the day before their graduation. They’re holed up in Sana and Nayeon’s dorm room under a makeshift tent, where they tied a blanket between the beds. The torch makes it look like a horror story, and Sana adjusts it slightly so Momo can carry on. “I met someone.”

Sana and Nayeon exchange looks of surprise and delight, and Nayeon is the first to ask who it is. “Who is it? And when can I meet her? Is she nice?”

Sana lays a hand on Nayeon’s arm, smiling. “Ignore her. What’s her name?”

Momo returns the grin, clutching the flashlight a little tighter. Sana knows that look, she’s had it before. When you’ve never been happier thinking about someone, when you’re reminded of them every single day through every little thing, the one person who you can’t get out of your mind. Sana _knew_ how that felt. 

“I‘ll be mean and keep it a secret,” Nayeon grunts when Momo announces this, “She’s coming to the graduation tomorrow, you’ll meet her there.”

“I can’t wait to meet her, Momo. I’m so happy for you,” Sana says, making sure Nayeon doesn’t ask any other invasive questions.

The day of their graduation, they meet after receiving all their certificates. It’s a sport trying to move around a busy sea of students, but she finds a blonde and a brunette being particularly loud, and Sana instantly heads over.

“You almost slipped, didn’t you?” Sana first says when she sees Nayeon, almost threatening her with a raised fist when she backs down.

“You’re so lucky even my weakest punch would put you in hospital,” Nayeon huffs, grinning a little as she shakes her head. “Apparently Momo’s girlfriend should be here soon.”

Momo is too occupied searching the crowd, when she suddenly calls out, her hand waving someone over. “Over here!”

Sana looks in that direction too.

_“I’ve always wanted to have red hair.”_

_“What? That’s silly. People can’t have red hair.”_

_“When I’m older, you’ll see!”_

Momo grabs her hand enthusiastically, bringing her over to Momo and Nayeon.

“This is Mina!”

Sana smiles, because she doesn’t know what else to do. 

She introduces herself though she’s sure Mina remembers, because she doesn’t know what to do.

When Nayeon and Momo leave to get refreshments, Sana feels everything she’s ever built up fall at her feet instantly. Because she feels the tightening in her chest, sees the way everything unfocuses, tries to ignore the pain that begs her to break at every passing second.

Sana looks at Mina properly, with a grim, mirthless smile.

“Why does it hurt so much?”

She asks, because if Sana didn’t laugh, she’d cry.

**Author's Note:**

> [im here sometimes](https://twitter.com/cdnmes)


End file.
